The subjected came to mind when someone asked me if the main character of the “Unholy Pursuit Series” was being gaslighted? I guessed in many way she is. Considering all the mysterious things happening to her. But just not the most common way known. What’s happening to her isn’t being done by anyone she knows. It’s being committed by complete strangers. I did research on the subject before writing the book and found there are many different forms of it.
A narcissistic, manipulative person and a gaslighter aren’t always the same thing. A narcissistic, manipulative person can become a gaslighter but not always. In most cases a narcissistic, manipulative person is a pain in the butt, not a killer. Gaslighting is a crime committed with the death of the target as the ultimate goal. Most narcissistic, manipulative people do not kill. Although, they can make one feel like that way.
Criminal gaslighting is usually conducted by someone the victim do not know. I found out through studying criminal reports in college that it is the most common form. Not the form that has been glamorized in movies where the husband is gaslighting his wife because he wants her out of the way.
One of the most common forms is a lying campaign. They are so successful because the basic of human nature will believe a lie far quicker than the truth. Deep down in the dark nook of our soul most humans like to hear of bad things happening to another person. Many people are drawn into gaslighting campaigns without the least clue they are aiding and abetting a criminal.
How do you know if you are being gaslighted? If any of the following warning signs ring true, you may be dancing the Gaslight Tango. Take care of yourself by taking another look at your relationship, talking to a trusted friend; and, begin to think about changing the dynamic of your relationship . Here are the signs:
1. You find yourself constantly second-guessing yourself
2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day or it seems other go out their way to make you uncomfortable or to inflict pain or ridicule.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at home, work or social settings.
4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss for the least real or imaginary offense?
5. You can’t understand why so good things in your life have turned sour.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists. True Gaslighters works with partners. Those doing the putdown are usually someone working with the gaslighter.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
14. You wonder if it’s all in your mind.
15. You find yourself without answers to the weirdness.
16. Series of unusual, unexplained events take place.
I know this sounds like something out of a horrible movie but this is a reality for millions of people. Someone trying to get away with murder.
These are a few ways of identifying Gaslighting. The good news is that knowledge is power. Once you can name this all too insidious dynamic, you can work towards changing the dynamic, or getting out or moving away—to take back your reality, and, get more enjoyment from your life.