This is an update of a post written last year. Someone asked where was the rest of it? Why did I leave off the ways to identify it? I wrote some of the most ways to identify it. I left off the ways to defend yourself mainly because it isn’t pleasant.
The subject came to mind when someone asked me if the main character of the “Unholy Pursuit Series” was being gaslighted? I guessed in many way she is. Considering all the mysterious things happening to her. But just not the most common way known. What’s happening to her isn’t being done by anyone she knows. They’re being committed by complete strangers. I did research on the subject before writing the book and found there are many different forms of it.
A narcissistic, manipulative person and a gaslighter aren’t always the same thing. A narcissistic, manipulative person can become a gaslighter but not always. Yes, there some narcissistic, manipulative who control by gaslighting. In most cases a narcissistic, manipulative person is a pain in the butt, not a killer.
Gaslighting is a crime committed with the death of the target as the ultimate goal. Most narcissistic, manipulative people do not kill. Although, they can make one feel like that way.
Criminal gaslighting is usually conducted by someone the victim do not know. I found out through studying criminal reports in college that it is the most common form. Not the form that has been glamorized in movies where the husband is gaslighting his wife because he wants her out of the way.
One of the most common forms is a lying campaign. They are so successful because the basic of human nature will believe a lie far quicker than the truth. Deep down in the dark nook of our soul most humans like to hear of bad things happening to another person. Many people are drawn into gaslighting campaigns without the least clue they are aiding and abetting a criminal.
How do you know if you are being gaslighted? If any of the following warning signs ring true, you may be dancing the Gaslight Tango. Take care of yourself by taking another look at your relationship, talking to a trusted friend; and, begin to think about changing the dynamic of your relationship . Here are the signs:
1. You find yourself constantly second-guessing yourself
2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day or it seems other go out their way to make you uncomfortable or to inflict pain or ridicule.
3. You often made feel confused and even crazy at home, work or social settings.
4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss for the least real or imaginary offense?
5. You can’t understand why so many good things in your life have turned sour.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists. True Gaslighters works with partners. Those doing the putdown are usually someone working with the gaslighter.
10. You start having trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed person. If you wasn’t once this sort of person the gaslighter would have no interest in destroying everything which makes you who you are.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
14. You wonder if it’s all in your mind.
15. You find yourself without answers to the weirdness.
16. Series of unusual, unexplained events take place. They usually happens in clusters
I know this sounds like something out of a horrible movie but this is a reality for millions of people. Someone trying to get away with murder.
These are a few ways of identifying Gaslighting and defending oneself.
- The first thing you have to do is stop doubting yourself and assuming the other persons are right and you’re wrong. This is the very first step. As much as I hate to use this person (And the lord knows I do) as an example of believing you’re right when you maybe wrong as two left shoes. Donald Trump has some vital points in sticking to your guns no matter how wrong anyone say you are. You aren’t the president so you can be wrong but when you’re fighting your life there’s no right and wrong. It’s survival.
- Notice and admit the angry others direct toward you when and if you question their behave or action. Stop dismissing their attitude or overt anger for least thing as irrelevant. It’s a control tactic that works this way: If you do as I say then I’ll be pleased with you and give you my love and kindness. You don’t need that type of love and kindness. They can keep it.
- Make those around that you can trust. (Follow your instinct on this one. Being in love with someone doesn’t automatically means they are trustworthy.) Aware of what you suspect is going on. Don’t say I suspect. Say I know such and such is happening and if the person ask for evident. Then you know who they truly are. Cease communication with them.
- Never let anyone force you to see a psychiatrists. It’s nothing personal against those in this professional. They work wonders for people who actually need them. But in a victim of gaslighting case this can be the greatest weapon used against you. If you complain about to the authorities about the crimes the state of your mental health will viewed because the events are going to so bizarre and with no evident you’ll be written off as simply crazy and seeing things that aren’t there. That’s a gaslighter’s ultimate goal-to discredit you. Now, isn’t the time for niceties and worrying about how anyone perceive you. You maybe fighting for your life.
- Always pay attention to what’s going on around you. Don’t assume anything. If it looks, sounds funny, or fishy. It usually is. If you smell a strange scent there’s usually one there. This is a favor tactic employed by gaslighters. The one who is gaslighting you will say they don’t smell anything.
- If you have any racial tendency toward any other group of people. Now is an excellent time to work on overcoming and dropping them. Those gaslighting you, already knows this and we will use it against you. You’re going to need all the help you can get and can’t afford to be choosy as to where it come from.
- Technology is a gaslighter or gangstalker dream instrument. It’s their favorite weapon of destruction and the way the social media ask for all but a blood sample works hilariously in the gaslighter’s favor. Stop posting all your business all over the place. Pay attention to online activities. Don’t assume anything. I know no one wants to appear paranoid or flaky, but appearance went out the window when the gaslighting started. This is about surviving the ordeal not how things look.
- Tune out all the happy crap you see thrown at you. Tune out the whimsy inspirations meme’s flooding the internet. You’re fighting for your sanity and survival. It’s time to get mean and cold as they are. Wishful thinking and happy wishing are both useless when dealing with gaslighters. Gaslighters will encourage you to forgive every offense while they turn around slam you again and again. They’re like any other abusers. Seek forgiveness as a way to stay mentally and often phsyically connected to you. If you stickup for yourself or believe in yourslef the gaslighter will accuse you of being selfish, mean, cold, and uncaring. But let them say whatever they please.
- Gaslighters justified their actions by claiming an offense was committed by you against them. Maybe true. I don’t know. But if so there’s a thin line between revenge and gaslighting. Revenge is when a person issue their wrath for a known offense and move on. Gaslighting is not righting a wrong. Gaslighting can go on for years until the victim’s death. This is the common excuse gaslighters use when found out.
- A victim of gaslighting haven’t the luxury to worry about being aggressive and if she behave aggressively, will it cause anyone to dislike her or will she lose friends? You don’t have to worry about being disliked for they already do not like you. If they did. They wouldn’t be gaslighting you. Be assertive. The quality of your life has been taken from you by covert operations. You’re going to have to assertively take it back.
The good news is that knowledge is power. Once you can name this criminal game. This all too insidious dynamic, you can work towards changing the dynamic, or getting out it and even work to persecute the offenders and moving away—to take back your reality, and, get more enjoyment from your life.
You may wonder how I know all these thing? Have I experienced them. No, I’ve never been a victim of gaslighting that I’m aware of but I’ve made it my business to learn the world around me. I learn these things from observations of the lives of others. Studied cases that surfaced about the crimes. Sadly, in many cases, you can’t help a victims of gaslighting anymore than you can help some victims of domestic violence especially if the gaslighter is someone they love until they are ready to see things for what they are.