Is the idea of a disabled person finding love still in the Dark Ages?

Is the idea of a disabled person finding love still in the Dark Ages?

This article was referred to me. It didn’t open my eyes to the life of a disabled person. As a tenure caseworker during college I had already seen it. I already knew it’s expected that the disabled to have no romantic life, no sexual desire or no interest in finding a partner or having a family.

Some backward Neanderthal dorks still believe if they can do any of these things they aren’t disabled. So yes, the idea of a disabled person finding love still in the Dark Ages? And I don’t mean the Middle Ages kind of dark ages. I mean the prehistoric dark ages.

I think it’s plain ridiculous to expect some one to spend their life alone simply because they are disabled. I never understand the discontinuing of benefits because the person finds love and wants to marry and have a family. That down right cruel and unusual punishment. If anything it hurts the person more than help them. Marriage isn’t some magic wand. It doesn’t make the bills go away nor does it make them able-bodied. They just found someone who had enough sense and maturity not to care about those things.

Forcing them to live in poverty to get the help they need is sitting them up and subjecting them to more abuse than they would perhaps normally encounter If they were allowed or able to rise into another social economic status and still get the help they need. No money doesn’t prevent abuse but poverty make one more likely to become a victim of it.

This is much like what the Third Reich was doing to the disabled. In the 1930s, during the Holocaust, the Nazi passed a law that allowed for people with disabilities to be sterilized. It didn’t matter what type of disability it was. To so call keep their defects from being passed to the next generations, Shortly after, they used disabled in human experiments, considering them to be weak and a burden on society anyway. This very attitude is how they were able to convince people to go along with this madness.

While this past treatment of disabled people was horrible, the historic prejudice and blatant ignorance remains strong today. People with disabilities aren’t seen as being sexual, wanting to experience life as sexual being, or even seen as desirable, or worthy of a romantic life let alone a marriage or relationship.

I could never wrap my mind around how can one be expected to maintain the same trajectory of life as an able bodied person when they have a disability? Families often push for this. I understand not letting your relative disability hinder their goals in life. That’s not what I’m talking about. Encouragement isn’t what I mean. What I mean is when the person limitations aren’t taken in consideration of what they can and can not do but are still expected to do these things.

Family members need to get the dumb crap out their head there’s something wrong with their relatives and stop pushing them to be ‘normal’. Exactly what is normal in life or a relationship? Of course, abuse and violence isn’t normal but I mean other things. I haven’t seen anyone who fit the idealized definition of normal. Everyone has their own little quirks. It’s what make them who they are. People aren’t robots.

Once during an intake interview I even heard some relatives tell the disabled person in their family. “Get that notion out your head. No one in their right mind will want you. Settle yourself down and hope a relative live long enough to take care of you so you don’t end up in an institution.”

Well, you know me. I couldn’t let that crude comment slide. I had to defend the person telling them their relative was wrong and if anyone doesn’t want you because certain parts doesn’t function. It’s their loss not yours. They aren’t worth your time anyway. But I wondered if they said that in publicly what must they say privately?



Marriage Institutions Aren’t Just Sexist — They’re Ableist And Disrespectful To People With Disabilities?

About unholypursuit

A. White, an award winning former librarian who is also long time member of Romantic Time and Publisher's Weekly. A. White has been writing for over fifteen years. She took classes in creative writing in college, specializing in ancient myths and legends. and at a local community center while living in Chicago. In college she won the national contest to verbally list every country in the world, it's capital and ingenious language. Her works are mainly horror, fantasy, extreme, and sci-fi as well as, as some may says, "the truly strange predicament and puzzling." Books that I've written are "Clash with the Immortals, and eleven others which are part of the "Unholy Pursuit saga,". She has been working on the Chronicles since 2007. She wished to complete them all before introducing them to public so the readers wouldn't have to for the continuation to be written. The ideas of the book come from classic literature such as whose work greatly influence the world world such as Homer, Sophocles, Herodotus, Euripides, Socrates, Hippocrates, Aristophanes, Plato, Aristotle and many more. The "Book of Enoch" influenced the usage of Azazael as a main character and love interest. I created the primary main character from the Chronicle of Saints. I wanted to show them as real flesh and blood with thoughts, desires and yearning as any human. Not as they are so often depicted. So I created one of my own to show her as a real human that everyone can relate to.
This entry was posted in ANNOUNCEMENTTS, disabled, diversity, family, Friends, life, love, romance, Welcome, wisdom. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Is the idea of a disabled person finding love still in the Dark Ages?

  1. lbeth1950 says:

    I had two dialysis patients who wanted to marry but would have lost their benefits in a legal marriage. They ended up having an unlicensed marriage in their church. I was glad they found a way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tell them congratulations.:D Love knows no boundaries. Well, it’s said whomsoever God join together no man can put asunder. But I think it is cruel to subject someone to this. Marriage isn’t magic wand that erase all per-existing conditions and everything become all rosy. I think the situation could be evaluated on a case by case basis not a broad sweeping rule covering every disabled person and their spouse. Some marry richer than others. But if they have no children, no spouse, no family who will care for them if they become bedridden? I didn’t know you were a nurse. I can bet you keep your patients day cheerful.


    • Forgiven me for assuming you are nurse. I thought about it and said, “Mmm, she’s must be a doctor.”


  2. Amanda Stevens says:

    I don’t know much about disability laws but if what I read is true. It’s a hindrance. It’s not helping the person to live up to the their full potential. Parents usually pass away before their children and without a family of their own to rely on who will take care of them if they becomes ill? Remember this is a person who is already physically limited. How will they survive? Even if they have siblings there’s no law saying their sibling have to take them in. How will a sibling spouse feel about this? I think they should be encouraged to find someone who will love them. I say having their own spouse and children works best for their greater welfare. It is the best place for them.

    On Thu, Jul 5, 2018 at 6:06 AM,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. adaptivelyeverafter says:

    Thank you for your post! I have faced similar comments you have mentioned and basically lead to believe that I was not worthy of marriage because of my disability…thankfully not from my family though!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am sorry you’ve heard such terrible things. Ignore ignorancy. People have no right to say such things with no consideration for the other person’s feelings. If you feel marriage is what makes you happy, then go for it. You’re deserving of happiness as much as anyone else. I am glad you have a supportive family.


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