Emotional Book. “The Day I Met Me.”

Okay, one of you all asked me, do I have any emotional books? Yes, several of them, depending upon your idea of emotional.

It’s the story of a woman’s journey in finding herself.

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Tuesday, 19 children, 2 teachers killed at UVALDE, Texas elementary school shooting. Another Sandy Hook.

I’m sure everyone heard by now, there’s been another school shooting. Both recent shooters just turned 18.

UVALDE, Texas — At least 19 children and two teachers were killed Tuesday when a gunman opened fire in a Texas elementary school, according to the Texas Department of Public Safety.

The suspected shooter, who might have had a handgun and a rifle, was also killed when law enforcement confronted him at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, about 83 miles west of San Antonio, Gov. Greg Abbott said at a news conference.

“It is believed that he abandoned his vehicle, then entered into the Robb Elementary School in Uvalde with a handgun, and he may have also had a rifle,” Abbott said.

Follow our live blog for latest updates on the Texas school shooting

“He shot and killed, horrifically and incomprehensibly, 14 students and killed a teacher,” the governor said before additional deaths were confirmed.

The Texas Department of Public Safety said later that 19 children and two teachers were killed, in addition to the suspected shooter.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61579600

In the words of Marvin Gaye, “What’s going on?”

Posted in Absurd, ANNOUNCEMENTTS, atrocity, family, Personal thoughts, religion | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Queen of Kindergarten Kindle Edition by Derrick Barnes

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I respect your opinion as long as your opinion respect me.

“I respect your opinion as long your opinion respect me. ” Randi Preston character in the book called, “One Less Kiss.”

I found it said in another way.

“I respect your opinion as long your opinion respect me. ” Randi Preston character in the book called, “One Less Kiss.”

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Help Rejecting Complainer.

Seemingly every time I turn around there’s a new psychological term. I never heard of this one. It’s basically a person whom no matter what solution is given to their problem, according to them it will not work. They shoot it down without even trying to see if it will work.

You think of yourself as a caring and sympathetic friend. But when it comes to your long-time friend—let’s call her Margot—you hit your wit’s end every time you spend time with her. Whether it’s the mail woman who supposedly loses every important bill, the coworker who keeps taking her parking space or the son who doesn’t call enough—any time you’re with her, Margot is complaining about something.

And so, you offer advice, “Update your mailing address, drive to work a few minutes earlier, put some time on Billy’s calendar.” To these (highly reasonable) suggestions, she usually brushes them off and mutters something like “that’ll never work.”

If you have a Margot in your life, you’re not alone. Think of all the TV characters who complain relentlessly—Olivia Soprano, Hannah Horvath, Ross Geller, Joffrey Baratheon, to name a few. 

In fact, there’s a term for the Margots out there. Coined by psychiatrist Jerome Frank, these people are called help-rejecting complainers, or HRCs. Typically, they complain relentlessly as if their problems are insurmountable (they’re likely not); they reject advice or guidance; and because they usually have no intention of problem solving, the behavior becomes toxic to your relationship—there’s only so much negativity a person can take. Here are signs you have a HRC in your life and also how to deal with them.    

Signs your dealing with a help-rejecting complainer 

1. You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells

You have that general, all-encompassing feeling that no matter what you do, you will upset this person, which in turn affects how you act around them. This might mean that in order to “keep your HRC happy” (which, spoiler alert, is impossible) you capitulate to their every need only to be met with negative reactions. This causes stress and anxiety.

2. They dump on you

From the moment you sit down for coffee with Margot she’s going off about how long it took her to get there (um, you were stuck in traffic, too…) and how gross the lattes are (uh, you’re actually enjoying yours…). And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. For the next 45 minutes you listen to a Greek tragedy involving a faulty air-conditioning unit and a bimbo on a customer service line.

3. They engage in “one-downsmanship”

The term, dubbed by F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. and Vicki Wurman, is the inverse of one-upmanship. You thought you had a rough day? No surprise here, your HRC friend probably had it wayyyyy worse.

4. They refuse help

The thing is, you do feel bad. You want your friend to be happy. So, you hope that you can help solve her problems. That’s why you offer advice, advice that you yourself would take. But she poo-poos you almost immediately.

5. They ‘accept’ advice only to self-sabotage

Or, if she does accept your advice, it’s almost as if she enacted the weakest version of it just to prove that it wouldn’t work. Ugh.

In short, they create a catch-22 for the person listening to them: If they offer advice, it won’t be taken and if they get frustrated, it feeds the HRC’s worldview. 

How do you deal with an HRC that you care about?

1. Ask them if they actually want your opinion

Aimee Barr, LCSW, clinical social worker, writes, “it might be uncomfortable at first, to be so direct. However, being honest is a great way to allow someone to know where they stand and also set boundaries for yourself. If what you said isn’t well received, the help rejecting complainer will eventually realize you aren’t aligned with their viewpoint and may move onto someone else.”

2. Avoid telling them to ‘to get over it’

After having all of your thoughtful advice chewed up and spat in your face, you may really feel like telling your friend to get over herself. But try avoiding this because it will only feed their belief that everyone is out to get them. 

3. Ask them their plan to solve this problem

Psychiatrist Eric Berne suggested this as an effective method. “Yes, that’s a problem. How do you plan on solving it?” You acknowledge their pain, which is important, but you don’t play into the typical feedback loop of offering advice only to be shot down. Instead, you put them on the spot to think about their own issues. Well, that, or at least they’ll change the subject.

4. Validate their feelings, then move on

Remember that as blown out of proportion as the situation may be, your friend is probably truly feeling these negative emotions and, like any human, could use some kindness. So sympathize—but don’t overdo it—and then change the subject.

5. Set boundaries

“While loving other people, it’s also equally (if not more) important to remember to love and be kind to yourself,” Barr writes. “Set limits to how often you will listen to chronic complaints. Additionally, set boundaries on how you will be supportive. Ask yourself: Can I agree to listen without feeling obligated to solve others’ problems and/or offer advice?” If the answer to that question is no, give yourself some easy outs—tell your friend you can only meet up for 45 minutes or you have to take the dog at 4 p.m. Cutting your time short might save your friendship in the long run.

I don’t feel this is talking about people with genuine, urgent problems.

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When Roe vs Wade was passed there were thousands of women were freed from jail and prisons.

When Roe vs Wade was passed there were thousands of women in jails and prisons throughout the country; charged with murder for abortions. Unsure, or mysterious miscarriage were sometimes deemed an abortion also.

It was once a law that if a woman had an abortion and her husband didn’t authorized it she could be sent to prison for murder.

Many of these women’s sentences were abolished with the signing of this bill. So, if Roe vs Wade is overturned, and if these women are still alive, they can be send back to prison.

These convictions can be reactivated because these women were in prison for murder and murder has no A statute of limitations. I’m not saying it will happen but it can.

On January 22, 1973, the Supreme Court issued a 7–2 decision in favor of “Jane Roe” (Norma McCorvey) holding that women in the United States had a fundamental right to choose whether to have abortions.

Ending Roe vs Wade could send women to prison for miscarrying if she can’t prove she did nothing to cause it. This is some of what I meant, when I say the law is about a lot more than abortions. If a woman can’t prove she naturally miscarried then she can find herself in jail and this once happened and from the looks of things, can it happen again.

Posted in Legal, women, women' rights | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments

Sadly many others are throwing in the towel on their writing career.

Too many authors are throwing in the towel on their writing career.

Goodreads give-a-way, I noticed was the life line for many self-published authors. I wasn’t online at the height of it’s free program. I was only back online with a published book in 2016.

It’s still the most influential book site online. Most others book sites like The StoryGraph, select the books they want list. I maybe wrong but I don’t think, from what I can tell, let the author list their books. Well, this is going to leave out independents and small press companies.

Just because one option is closed or out of budget reach. Don’t throw in the towel.

It’s okay to take hiatus for whatever reason, but if you have worked hard to come this far, why not go the extra mile to see how things turn out? Don’t be like the man mining for diamonds and stop mining within five feet of a mother lode, someone else comes behind him and digs the five feet and becomes a billionaire. I’m not saying that will happen but you never know.

Believe it or great classic are rarely written when things are economically sound. Most of the greatest works were written during some sort of uproar in the society. Let life inspire on what to write about.Real life is stranger than fiction.

Alternatives to Goodreads.

https://turbofuture.com/internet/10-Sites-like-Goodreads-for-Authors-and-Readers

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Finding Me: A Memoir by Viola Davis

According to reviews this memoir is vastly different from Cicely Tyson’s, but a look at a life many didn’t know existed.

Posted in 1619, African American Women, African American Writers and Poets, African Americans, American Experience, Biography, black woman, Childhood, confidence, crimes, evil | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Abortions Maybe Illegal Once Again.

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/abortion-news

There’s a huge protest in my state over abortion rights. What happens next is to be seen.

Some birth control could be banned if Roe v. Wade is overturned, legal experts warn

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com
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